Apna Bachha: This sham needs to end!

Kids! Another tool to gain status and conform.

Apna Bachha: One’s own biological child (translation)

Indians are champions at increasing families, perpetuating patriarchy, conforming, bigotry, abusing and women disempowerment.

To ensure that this attitude prevails, what better medium than kids?   lol

Women in India, even across the world, receive immense status and unquestionable appreciation for becoming the “divine” mother. Mothers are looked up upon, and a baby brings a great deal for joy and celebration. She is considered above other women as she was able to do her “sole duty as a woman”. Her empty cradle is filled with “a bundle of joy” aka a poop machine.

In India, it is even more prevalent when a couple produces a male child. They is used as an example to shame other couples for their inability, or lack of desire, to produce a baby. Women are treated like a baby producing machine to continue their husband’s family’s “lineage” which makes her “a complete woman”.
Even men are subjected to immense pressure, mockery, and humiliation if remained childless (by choice or otherwise). They are considered “not man enough” or “unable to function”.

What makes it worse, is that men are burdened with double the responsibilities of his wife and child. His income becomes the sole income to keep his wife and child alive. None of it seems fair!

In any conservative society, it is essential that women are kept disempowered so they end up producing more children (due to lack of education and freedom of choice) to continue their cultural and societal lineage thereby turning into a majority. Results, they cannot even opt out of a marriage and motherhood and she is completely dependent on the husband for financial support. This is one irreversible decision which changes a life of a couple completely.

In India, there is this extreme narcissism on the emphasis on “Apna bachha” or one’s own biological child. Couples also buy into the idea of producing their own biological child instead of considering adoption as an option (even if they okay with the idea of a daughter).

It is assumed that women have the “maternal feeling” naturally, but, no one is willing to accept the fact that there are women who do not have this “maternal feeling” or even like kids to begin with. This lack of desire for kids doesn’t NOT make them evil, cold-hearted, selfish or arrogant that society deems them to be.

Note: I personally would call such couples very responsible people as they are aware of their dislikes, are able to stand up for it, and do not buy into the whole dogma of children.

By not having children, they are saving themselves from the resentment which could build up by having children. It is very mature of them to understand and opt out of such serious responsibility, like parenting, if they are not ready for it.

I am not saying that couples who love children should not have children. All I am saying that if couples want as many children as they prefer, they should have the option to and if couples don’t want a child, they should have the right to choice, without the society shaming them!

Ironically, there are so many hungry, homeless children in India, but no one wants to adopt them.

There is a huge element of casteism, classism, bigotry and narcissism involved in desiring only one’s own biological children. No one wants to adopt the homeless child from the slums or a child from a different religion as they only want their “clean blood, lineage and genes” to be in their child.
I personally have few questions to all the couples out there (women specially) and how many can dare answer the following questions.

  • If the need for child is so inbuilt in couples, then why not shower your affection on homeless children, give them a home and a better life?
  • Are you worried about the society shaming you for being a childless couple?
  • Can you guarantee an abuse-free life for your child, given that it is India we are talking about?
  • Can you love your child unconditionally without expecting anything in return?
  • Have you done any research on how expensive children are these days?
  • What if your child is disabled? Can you support it and take care of it your entire life?
  • Are you worried about not having an answer when Sharmaji asks you about children?
  • Do you have any prior experience of raising and taking care of an infant?
  • Do you even have any experience of even taking care of a pet?
  • If the child disobeys you, are you going to subject him/her to same abusive environment that you have been raised in yourself?
  • What if something unforeseen happens to your husband, do you have any other support to take care of your child?
  • Is child a medium to solve any relationship troubles with your husband or his family? If yes, YOU ARE THE MOST UNFIT PARENT.
  • Do you have any idea how high maintenance and environment heavy toddlers are?
  • Do you just not question motherhood and simply say “Aisa hi hota hai” (this is the normal way)
  • Are you expecting to have a son and hoping he will take care your old age, and a means to obtain some family “inheritance”?

    One needs to ask oneself all the above questions as having a child is a huge responsibility. It is frightening to see couples refuse to understand the seriousness of  raising a child; the financial, emotional and even physical responsibility it takes.

Young mothers and baby images on Facebook:   Another problematic aspect of young Indian mothers. The idea that parents own their child, their child is like their property, is so inbuilt in them that will will upload every possible picture of their child on their Facebook Page.

What is the child grows up resenting its parents for making him a public show during its infancy?

After all, the child will grow up as a consenting adult (man or woman) and these things will matter to that person a lot. With the age of technology and social media, over-sharing has become even more prevalent.

Social media has given a medium for people to amplify their narcissism, attempting to make their peers jealous, by showing off the cars they drive, the house they buy, the lavish weddings, and their new born baby.

Do they realize how disrespectful it is to the child and it clearly shows that the parents own the child, just like their house, their car, their watch, their baby.

Note: If parents treat their children like property, what kind of life will they provide for their children?

We have even heard of cases like that if something had gone terribly wrong in the family, like loss of family wealth, or bad name on the family, the parents have killed their children, and then themselves in order to protect them from the “shame” that accompanies. “Honor Killings” (stated in my previous blog) also stems from the same mindset. Child abuse (as stated in my previous blogs) by Indian parents, also stems from the same mindset.

Also, another thing that appalls me, is that physical abuse of children, like beating, hitting, caning, etc. is very common in India, which would be a great matter of shock in western countries.

Even parents and young adults agree with the idea of hitting their children when they don’t obey their parents blindly.

Even worse, there are no institutions in India which protects children from their own abusive parents as the whole culture of “parents know best/ parents can never make mistakes” is so prevalent.

Even schools condone and use physical assault on kids in the name of “discipline. Even parents encourage this behavior. When we see only violence and abuse as children, we tend to normalize it and follow the same cycle of abuse.

  • Do we really want to bring more children into this country and give them the same brutal and abusive culture and atmosphere?
  • Do we really want to subject them to the miserable state of affairs and then regret later on?
  • Do you really want to live with the guilt that you were unable to provide a good life for your children?

Something we all need to reflect upon before ruining another innocent life as let’s face it, children’s rights is a bloody joke in India. 

In a more liberal society, women always have the option of having kids. They even have the right to opt out of motherhood. Use this time in building their careers. They always have an option to walk out of marriage. They have full control over their money, over their lives, over their decisions, over their own body.
Yes, there is always the fact that these liberals are very few in numbers as having children is optional and they may not feel the pressure to increase in numbers.

Liberals go with the idea that few kids, but well adjusted kids are more important than more kids, but abused kids (which happens in conservative societies).

So if you see in European countries, there are fewer children, but well-adjusted children. They have children’s protection institutions who even take on the children’s parents and can get them arrested for any misbehavior with their child. There is accountability of parents and their behavior towards their own children.

If parenthood is de-romanticized, it will give options to couples, and only those selected couples will produce kids, who will provide the best possible environment to their child.

Yes, there is also the aspect of countries wanting young workers for their economy but that is a whole new debate altogether. This post was mainly about children’s rights in a barbaric culture like India. 


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