Men’s rights in India is so brushed under the carpet, no one knows it even exists!
A man’s life in India is oppressive too. It is since birth this oppression begins. A different kind of oppression, a more covert kind yet a powerful kind of oppression.
Since their birth, men are taught not to cry. They are shamed if they display any emotion. Do we, as a society, realize if this emotional suppression takes place time and again, these young boys will grow up to be emotionally stunt men and their suppressed volcano-like emotions will explode at the least deserving person?
We then ask questions like why India is has a record number in spousal abuse, domestic violence and assault. We fail to connect the dots.
There was a video clipping of describing the same. The link to view the clipping: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Nj99epLFqg
That is just the start of it. Indian parents perceive their son like a golden goose who will earn according to their (parents’) expectations and support them in old age. His worth depends upon his academic and professional success. If he fails to earn up to his family expectations, he will be mocked upon, yelled at, nagged upon until he is able to “earn enough” or “becomes man enough”.
Parents and relatives play the maximum toxic role in stripping away their son’s rights. Men are also deeply conditioned by parents and relatives to take care of them (and his wife) in old age and play the provider role, at the same time, women are so dis empowered thereby making them incapable to even provide for themselves.
The abuse of men is not so over-the-top, as women’s, which makes it difficult for them to recognize this abuse.
Once the man grows up, with education and a decent paying job, he is FORCED to marry a woman just so that his parents can find a free slave for themselves who can also provide dowry. He has no right to choice: Not even the right to marry the person he loves, not even the right to remain single all his life.
Note: In the UK, forced marriage is a very serious crime and parents can be arrested for upto 10 years.
It just gets worse for a man, he is BULLIED and FORCED by his parents (and parents are bullied by their relatives) to marry the girl of THEIR choice. Parents will ensure to disempower their daughter in law, make her leave her job or create situations which will make her leave her job, so that she is dependent on their son and them (his parents) for financial support.
Which explains why India has the lowest women work force participation: http://qz.com/176658/india-has-the-lowest-workforce-participation-rate-of-women-among-the-brics/
Now, even the man is burdened with supporting his over-demanding parents, his disempowered wife, and his children which he probably didn’t even want to begin with. The man is put through great deal of stress due to the financial burden of all these people. Even earning Rs. 2 lakh per month is not enough to fulfill the family’s requirement.
Both, men and women are slaves to their parents’ and their relatives’ entitlement.
The pressure of parents on a son doesn’t end with marriage. It only begins. He is then pressured to buy a car, a house, produce children, provide them (children) fancy education, all due to the demands of his parents and relatives.
All this puts any human in a great deal of financial stress and burden of loans as this article has mentioned: http://www.subramoney.com/2012/08/children-in-parents-ego-emi-traps/
The provider role in so inbuilt in a man that even if he tries to help his wife in the household chores, he will be shamed even for that by his parents and their clan of a thousand relatives. Also to prevent the couple from bonding. God forbid of he turns into a homemaker and his wife the breadwinner! Imagine the stigma and the shaming then!
Why doesn’t a man have the option to be the homemaker and his wife the breadwinner? Why can’t a man have the option to pursue the career of his choice? Why can’t a man marry the person he loves? Why can’t a man have the option to even remain single all his life? Why can’t a man have any autonomy over his life’s major decisions?
Are we so patriarchal that we forget the happiness of our own son?
In addition, Hindu culture has immense amount of rituals and customs which cause a great deal of financial drain (for the man), emotional drain (for the couple), only to see the 42-year-old enfeebled parents and relatives gloating in joy.
Romantic partner: A son’s romantic partner is considered as the biggest threat to the parents’ control over their son. So, even if his parents have chosen a partner for their son, they simply cannot stand the growing bond between their son and his wife and will strive to create distance between them. They will overburden his wife with housework to such an extent that she has no time to bond with her husband. If ever the man will try to bond with his wife, he is shamed and called “joru ka gulham” or slave of his wife.
Even if the man tries to stand up for himself and his spouse against this abuse, he is either yelled at by his parents, or sent on a guilt trip. We often hear remarks by parents like “biwi kaan bhar rahi hai” your wife is poisoning your mind.
Parents get extremely insecure that their control over their son, and his loyalty, will be divided with his wife. So, she will always be treated like an “outsider”.
Note: I am not saying that taking care of someone you care about is wrong. But given this situation, parents’ entitlement and their abusive nature, they deserve nothing short of a kick on their asses.
If the man starts abusing and assaulting his wife, are we to blame the man completely? I am NOT condoning domestic violence under any circumstances; but, we as a society, need to take responsibility of such broken men and reflect upon ourselves and not let the next generation become the victim of this cycle of abuse.
We need to encourage our men to come out of their denial and conditioning. We need to encourage our men to question their parents and even fight for their own rights. We need to free our men from the burden of this provider and patriarchal role which they are forced into. We need to educate our men of their rights, specially the right of choice, which they probably don’t know it even exists.
As I stated in my previous blog, this cycle of abuse needs to end at some point.
Also, for further reference, please read this article:
Talking about women’s rights alone is not enough when the other half is abused too.
Change begins now. Change begins from us!